Dear Dear Diary
by Brightly75
Summary: After Faith's death, Angel delivers her diary to Buffy


Angel's convertible rolled slowly down Revello Drive almost as if its driver had forgotten which house belonged to the person he was there to visit. That was the excuse he was using at least. It wouldn't do to have anyone think that he was afraid of the occupant of number 1630 on this very street. Okay, not afraid of her exactly, but afraid of another confrontation with her. He knew he just didn't have the strength to withstand the vitriol she poured into every interaction they had with each other since Faith's release from prison.  
  
All too soon he reached his destination, and opened his door. After removing a box from the backseat of his car and putting it under one arm, he uses his free hand to activate the alarm. The beep sounds desolate on the lonely street; it echoes as he makes his way up the walkway to the front door. Once he got to the door he steeled himself before ringing the bell. As the door opened and she appeared, he realized exactly how much he hoped that Willow or Dawn would have been behind that piece of wood.  
  
"Well, well, come to try to convince me to talk to your pet slayer again," the diminutive blonde asked acerbically. "Or let me guess, she's here somewhere in Sunnydale and you want me to let her stay," Buffy continued without allowing him time to respond.  
  
"Buffy," Angel interrupted before she could launch into her tirade fully. "I need to tell you something. But yes it is about Faith."  
  
She sneered, "Did she finally turn on you, like I always said she would. Where are Wes and the others? Dead or hospitalized because of her?"  
  
Angel sighed. "Look Buffy, I don't have it in me to verbally spar with you tonight. You want to know where Wes and the others are? Fred and Wes are back at the hotel, and Cordy is sitting by Gunn's side in the hospital."  
  
A humorless laugh escaped the slayer's throat. "So she attacked the boyfriend, huh? Xander would have been able to tell him it was coming."  
  
"Fiancé," Angel corrected sternly. "They were going to get married." The vampire with a soul ignored the startled look on the face of the woman before him and went on. "Despite what you believe, Faith changed. She isn't the same girl you knew here Buffy. She didn't turn on us. Actually she is the reason that I'm still here and not in an urn on the front counter of the Hyperion."  
  
"So I don't get to say I told you so yet. Oh well, the time will come. So what brings you to my doorstep if not to recruit me to finish the job I started?"  
  
"As I was trying to say before someone started to jump to conclusions," Angel began, "it's about Faith."  
  
"If she's not rogue, then I don't want to hear it. I'm not going to let her back into my world again Angel. I'm not getting stabbed in the back again because this time it just might be literal," Buffy shot back.  
  
"Damn it Buffy!" Angel exclaimed. "I'm so fucking tired of your bitterness and refusal to see reason."  
  
Angel's outburst took Buffy by surprise, but she refused to let it show. "Well if you are so fucking tired of me, then why the hell are you here?" She asked her voice climbing effortlessly into the upper registers.  
  
"Trust me if it wasn't important I wouldn't be here."  
  
"Then handle your business and get out of my town."  
  
"Gladly," He took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing. "I'm here to honor the last request of a friend."  
  
"Hold it. Last request? You said everyone was fine."  
  
"No Buffy, I didn't. I said that Cordy, Wes, Fred, and Gunn were fine. Faith however is not. She's dead Buffy."  
  
The look on the blonde slayer's face betrayed nothing as she absorbed the news. "How?" she asked simply.  
  
"We had discovered that a Master Vampire was raising an army not only of other vamps, but of demons too. Since LA is located on a mystical convergence, similar to, but not nearly as powerful as the hellmouth, they were attempting a spell that would allow them to make all the vampires day walkers, then with their army at full strength they were going to overwhelm the city. First LA, then other major cities, recruiting demons and vampires as they moved towards world domination. Three days ago we got lucky and discovered them, managing to disrupt their rituals. A fight broke out and we were almost overwhelmed by sheer numbers. Then Gunn got hurt, and Faith lost it. She started killing everything without a soul that came anywhere near her or him. Things were looking up, but I was engaged in a duel with the master vamp himself when I hear Wesley yell my name. I decapitate the master and turn to see Faith airborne, but falling behind me. As she hit the floor, I saw it. She had taken a stake in the heart that was meant for me." Bloody tears were streaming down the vampire's face as he related the story.  
  
"Staked through the heart," Buffy stated. Again the humorless laugh escaped. "How very, very appropriate. But I don't get it, why does that bring you to my town?"  
  
Angel kept his anger barely restrained as he regarded the countenance of his former lover. He replied with calmness that he didn't feel. "Faith asked for certain things to be given to certain people, since I'm the only member of the Angel Investigations staff remotely capable of functioning right now, that meant I was elected." He handed the box to Buffy who wordlessly accepted it. "The funeral is in a week." He said as he turned and walked away from her.  
  
Buffy stood and watched the car pull away. Looking down at the box in her hands, she turned around and walked into the house. With Angel gone, the news began to really sink in. Faith was dead. That meant a new slayer had been called. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. A council controlled slayer without the experience that she or Faith had possessed wasn't the best thing she could think of. She entered the kitchen and prepared to make a cup of coffee. Dawn was out of town on a band trip and Willow was on a trip to San Francisco with Tara. So it was just her alone with her memories and Faith's possessions.  
  
As the coffee brewed, she opened the box. There were letters to Willow, Tara, Xander, and Giles, a bunch of CD's and a folder for Dawn, and at the bottom a rectangular object wrapped in brown paper addressed to her. Buffy tore the paper off and was faced with a black leather bound book with a single word scripted in silver on the cover. Faith. Buffy regarded the book, lost in thought for a moment, before sitting in on the table and going to pour some coffee. As she filled up her favorite oversized mug, she decided that maybe, now was the time to let the animosity go. With that thought in mind she grabbed her coffee and the book and went into the living room to settle down and see what Faith had left her.  
  
Buffy opened the cover of the book and a folded sheet of paper fell out, with one letter inscribed upon it, 'B'. She unfolded it and read.  
  
B,  
  
If you're reading this, then I guess I'm dead. Hope I went out with a bang, and didn't get taken down by some pansy ass fledgling vamp who managed to get lucky. Anyway, I guess the fact that you are reading this is good. Cause I know I don't deserve the right to take up any of your time. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for everything. I know you told me never to say that to you, but you can't beat me to death now, something beat you to it. I'm sorry for the mayor, the body switch, boinking Corn-fed, and coming between you and Soul boy. I try to tell him that I'm not worth fighting with his true love for, but you know how stubborn he can be. Ok, now I'll cut to the chase, this book is my diary. Angel got it for me when I was in jail. He thought it might be a good idea to write down things. Dreams, nightmares, memories, wishes, anything that I could think of. This isn't an attempt to get you to feel sorry for me. Pity isn't something I ever wanted from you. I just want you to understand, and maybe one day, forgive. So here it is B. My story. Unabridged and uncensored. No holds barred. Take care of yourself B, and don't let it kill you. You're better than everything life, or unlife, has to throw at you.  
  
Love always,  
  
Faith  
  
[Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets  
  
Cuz you're the only one that I know who'll keep them  
  
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets  
  
I know you'll keep them, and this is what I've done]  
  
  
  
Buffy put the letter off to the side and turned to the first page. It was an entry about Angel giving her the diary. Buffy continued to flip pages. She skipped entries about prison life, looking for information about Faith's life before Sunnydale. She realized that even after all these years, she still didn't know her sister slayer's last name. Finally she found something about Faith's father.  
  
I remember the day my dad left. I was eight. He walked me to school like usual, and gave me a hug like he always did. Then he told me that no matter what he'd always love me. I told him that I loved him too. I think I knew even before he wasn't there to meet me after-school, that he wasn't coming back. That same night, one of momma's 'friends' moved in. They drank half the night and I had to listen to the noises they made as they fucked on the same bed my daddy had slept in my whole life.  
  
[I've been a bad, bad girl for so long  
  
I don't know how to change what went wrong  
  
Daddy's little girl when he went away  
  
What did it teach me? That love leaves]  
  
  
  
A few more pages were turned. Buffy wanted to see what Faith had written about Sunnydale.  
  
I guess I should talk about Sunnydale. It was a pretty big part of my life. I guess that's where things went off the tracks. Can't blame that on mom and her constant stream of boyfriends that she sometimes wasn't enough to satisfy. That was just me plain and simple. I sold out my sacred duty and the first people that genuinely liked me, for some one who even though he treated me just like my dad, like his princess, wanted to be a demon. Worst part of it was that I hurt B. The one person in the world that I've loved. Yeah I said it. I love B. I think I always have. Even when she stuck that knife in my gut and put me to sleep for 8 months, I still loved her. I don't know how to explain why I did what I did when I woke up. I think I was more than a little crazy back then. Then came LA, and with it my salvation.  
  
[I've been down every road you could go  
  
I made some bad choices as you know  
  
Seems I have the whole world cradled in my hands  
  
But its just like me not to understand  
  
  
  
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets  
  
Cuz you're the only one that I know who'll keep them  
  
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets  
  
I've been a bad, bad girl]  
  
  
  
  
  
More pages turned. The coffee cup was empty now.  
  
I'm losing it stuck in here. Angel and the rest of the crew went off to some demon dimension to save Queen C. They rescued a chick that had been there for years, and brought her back with them. Her name is Winifred. Seems like a sweet girl. But yeah, back to the point. I'm stuck in this hell hole, and the hellmouth is unprotected. B is gone. She died saving the world again. You'd think that the PTB would leave her alone after the first time. But apparently it's not enough for them. I got a new tattoo today. It's on my left shoulder blade. It's an angel. I got it to remind me of B. She's always been an angel to me. It's because of her that I'm in here. I'm finally realizing that she had it right all along. Being a slayer isn't about want, take, have. It's about protecting the innocent from evil. One girl in all the world to stand against the vampires, demons, and forces of darkness.  
  
[I learned my lessons  
  
I turned myself around  
  
I've got a guardian angel tattooed on my shoulder  
  
  
  
She's been watching over me  
  
  
  
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets  
  
Cuz you're the only one that I know who'll keep them  
  
Dear, dear diary, I want to tell my secrets  
  
I've been a bad, bad girl]  
  
  
  
The diary closed. A decision was made. One week later. A blonde girl stood in a cemetery, her tears soaked into the ground. As the breeze whispered through the air, three words were heard.  
  
"I forgive you." 


End file.
